Life is good.

I turned in my EAP application to study abroad in Japan. It's time to celebrate. I don't even care if I get accepted now. Let's see what happens when I get a response.

I started disliking first person point of view stories.  Too overwhelming. Too much of the narrator's thoughts. It's all I, I, I, me, me, me, my feelings, my head, my trophy, mine. But that's just like my blog here. It's all I, I, I, me, me, me, my blog, my problems, my happiness, my borededness, my friends (what friends?) my family (i love my family) and my procrastination (i should really be doing my creative writing homework now).

I really need some self-confidence. My body is like a glass case and I feel like people could see right through me. My lower division honors coordinator rated me almost perfectly and I've only talked to her a couple of times. How does one show an adequate (4 out of 5) tolerance of differences? Maybe it showed through my personal statement, but still, maybe she's right and I didn't even know it. I always thought I was strongly (5/5) tolerant of differences. Maybe she wants me to join more clubs and make friends in honors. I don't even know.

It's Transgender Remembrance Week. I helped string posters of transgender deaths in the Rivera Library archway as a service. So far it's the most emotional and memorable service I've ever done. These transgender twin sisters were both murdered by a man who received two life sentences. Writing and thinking about what more to write is making me feel depressed. Moving on.

One hour until Bryan gets home from work. That's one hour to do creative writing homework. Then we're gonna WoW it and get level 71. haha.

A brother let go of her excomm position tonight because of a family problem. I really just wanted to give her a big hug. Her voice started shaking as she was trying to fight back tears. I couldn't get out of my seat and hug her. I just couldn't do it. I wanted to so badly, but something inside of me held me back. I didn't know her well. Lame excuse. I only talked to her a few times and they weren't anything that we could share as a memory. Lamer excuse.

/hug

i feel like shit.

When I was driving back home once with my brother, I saw a jeep with a tire cover that said, "Life is good" on it. I'd take a jeep like that and a tire cover like that any day.

Directions:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment (”you’re it”) and to read your blog. You can’t tag the person who tagged you.

My favorite anime ever is Fushigi Yugi. Miaka is an annoying girl and I really want to stuff a cheeseburger down her throat and hope she chokes on it. She won’t die though. She’d find a way to cry out “TAMAHOME!!!!” and then Tamahome would say “Miaka….” in that dying, frog croaking voice and save her while the red oni character glows on his forehead.

My closest friends to this day are my friends back in elementary and middle school. I closed myself off in high school and feel that that's the point in my life where I started to grow anti-social. But then again, I'm also very shy.

I've had this weird obsession with Australia ever since I was in 9th grade. It's not a crazy one, but it's enough for me to take an instant liking to Aussie music, food, people, anything. The moment I found out that The Getaway Plan was from Australia... ooooooooh man.

Whenever I think back on something embarrassing that I recently did, I laugh or cackle really loudly whether or not someone else is in the same room.

I have a scar on my left cheek from when I was four playing baseball with my brother Clarence and my old next-door-neighbor Jeremy. I don't remember it exactly, but apparently my brother was batting and I was in the way. "Laura, get out of the way!" and then bam.

My bestest best friend forever in the whole wide world is Maureen Abugan. I don't think I'd move to Australia if I could live next door to her. We have a time capsule buried in my backyard. If there's anyone I'm going to grow old with, it's with her. As BFF's of course.

Sadistic, but, I used to think I would die at 19. As a child I didn’t have any dreams whatsoever about what I wanted to be when I grew up. So I thought, hey, maybe I’ll be dead. Hahah! 

I still don’t know what I want to do or be when I grow up.

If I end up marrying a photographer I'd develop copies of his photos and make scrapbooks for them.  I'd frame some of his originals and decorate our house, being a deep appreciator of his photographs.  The satisfied look on my face as I straighten out the image on the wall, whether that image is a picture of us, our children, the sunset, us looking out on the sunset, or me looking out on the sunset..... oh, one could only dream.

The last entry I posted was 9 weeks ago. 9 weeks ago was the start of spring quarter. I have three weeks until I am officially done with my first year of college. Looking back, I may not have accomplished all the goals that I planned, but I feel rather accomplished with what I've done. Maintained a highly satisfying GPA (at least for me), attained a research assistant position, attended a psychology research conference, joined a fraternity, and most of all, I was able to break out of my shell a little bit more. I still have huge plans for the future, it's just hard to stay motivated. Hopefully I'll be able to do it though.

I still feel as boring as ever. Sometimes shy, sometimes scared, sometimes very anxious.... and stressing often. It's hard not to procrastinate. Life is just getting harder.

I still need to get a life.

holy fuck, the getaway plan is a band from australia? i like em even MORE now, haha.

i'm going to study abroad in australia.

i love my BFF.

don't talk to me unless i've made a gingerbread house in kindergarten with you.  unless i've buried a time capsule in your backyard with you.  unless we've been in a band together and i've seen you crawl under the garage door with your new braces.  unless your mom always asks me to sing karaoke with you.  unless i've made a video of a dancing tiger plushie with you. unless i've sat atop a roof looking for shooting stars while eating kettle korn with you.

that's ME.

I always manage to find myself here when I'm procrastinating. It's 10:09pm and I need to study for my philosophy exam tomorrow afternoon. On Friday I have a cultural response paper for anthropology due which I have yet to start. The need and desire for sleep creeps in but I must resist.

I feel like I need to talk to someone about this, or maybe I'm just procrastinating.

My life feels very empty. I want to go home to San Diego, probably cause that's where home is, my ultimate comfort zone where I don't have to care about anything. I know I said that I wanted to move out of town and change, but it feels like nothing is happening. Probably because I'm in a house owned by my parents and I only live with my brother and another.  Perhaps... I'm afraid of change. Or maybe I just feel like this is one hell of a hell hole that I'd like to get out of. Hopefully.

I have no money and I don't want to ask my dad for money.

I also saw the tallest guy in my life today. He looked like he was about 7'

I find myself thinking about WoW often and having the urge to activate my account.  Is this what it feels like to have cravings for smoking?

Ever since my account deactivated I find myself being more productive.  I made a trip to the Botanical Gardens and forgot just how much I missed the place.  I also took the time to wash my car and wow, the moomoocow is really dirty.  Couldn't believe how bright the original shade of white was.  But who knows if I really did all that because of no WoW.  Today's a wonderfully warm day to spend time out in the sun.  Unfortunately, I'm staying indoors today.

I was just in a huge dilemma of what to major in. Currently, I'm a Psyc major. And why the heck am i talking like there's more than one person reading this? Anyway, so I'm a Psyc major, but knowing that I really like working on computers, I was thinking maybe I should be a computer science major. But, alas, no. I think the real reason why I wanted to be one, was because I really like playing WoW. So I thought, hey, maybe I could work for Blizzard as a computer programmer. Nah. Not gonna happen. There is way too much math and physics involved in this major which I feel I'm only mediocre at. And anyway, Blizzard hires non-programmers too! hahah, so a Psyc major, and perhaps a music minor. I love music, what can I say. I just don't think I'm talented enough to actually do something with a music degree unless it's just a job at teaching, but then I'd have to be good at that too!

Psychology... researching and studying the art of LOVE. yes, love/attraction/sex, that whole dealio that makes people go gaga when they see that special someone. Maybe I've been reading too much of Psychology Today. But maybe not enough. Or maybe I'm just thinking about it and not getting around to it.

Changing majors would suck anyway since I have only social science courses on my record.

I wish I had the power to freeze time. Then I'd have all the time in the world. But what if I still aged while I froze time? Would I still do it? Would you still do it? Maybe then I'd save it for dire situations. But then again, that sounds like something off of one of those moral stories where once you have it and start using it, you're just going to end up using it over and over.....

There's many unnecessary stresses in my life at the moment. But in a way, I think I like being busy because it pulls me from sad feelings.

Ok, time for philosophy class.

Scream when I'm embarrassed or frustrated, sing, and yell at bad drivers.

I'm lazy, I'm bored, I have homework. I have a midterm tomorrow, a 5 page paper due Friday, a group project due today, a skit to practice... and I don't want to do any of it. Group project first, paper second.

Instead of doing research, I edited my Facebook profile... and I never have a profile.

I just made this public. Hardy har har.

I'm tired of life, I'm tired of pledging, I'm tired of WoW, I'm tired of school, I'm tired of it all!!!!!

I could depledge.
I could quit WoW.
I could drop out of school
I could kill myself.

But none of it will make me happy! I NEED TO GET MY MONEYS WORTH!!!!!!!!!!!! haha. but, i could do this. i can i can i can i will do this. i want a 3.2+ gpa. i'm going to study my filipino butt off. i will skip class tomorrow to cross. i will READ that effing chapter 100 times before the midterm. i don't know! i'm going to fail. fail, fail, fail. i will fail at life.